Humor

Laughter is the best medicine. So...

Top Ten Crazy Things Runners Do

by Dana-Susan Crews

Runners say and do some of the strangest things (well, strange to the "outside" world). Here is my "Top Ten Crazy Things Runners Do"...

10. Moving around holding their watch in the air trying to locate a satellite.

9. Going potty behind bushes, in people's yards, in front of perfect strangers, anywhere!

8. Ice baths.

7. Wicking material on EVERYTHING... shirts, shorts, socks, hats, etc.

6. Feeling jealous when they see someone out running (even if they just ran 10 miles!).

5. Running through the parking lot in circles til their GPS says what they want.

4. Foam rollers and all the other crazy tools they need for their aches and pains.

3. The shoes! And all their knowledge about the shoes. And knowing what pronation means.

2. The bumper stickers that advertise their favorite race distances.

1. Running!

Can you beat Oprah?

by Dana-Susan Crews

"I just want to beat Oprah's time"... It's something many marathoners say and it references Oprah Winfrey's 1994 Marine Corps Marathon finish time of 4:29:20. But Oprah isn't the only celebrity who has tackled the 26.2 mile distance. Here are some others with their finish times...

• Lance Armstrong, 2006 NYC Marathon (2:59:36) & 2007 NYC Marathon (2:46:43)
• William Baldwin, 1992 NYC Marathon (3:24:29)
• Apolo Ohno, 2011 NYC Marathon (3:25:12)
• Natalie Morales, 2006 NYC Marathon (3:31:02)
• Charles Gibson, 1983 Marine Corps Marathon (3:43:24)
• George W. Bush, 1993 Houston Marathon (3:44:52)
• Ed Norton, 2009 NYC Marathon (3:48:01)
• Ryan Reynolds, 2008 NYC Marathon (3:50:22)
• Kerri Strug, 2008 NYC Marathon (3:56:06)
• Will Ferrell, 2003 Boston Marathon (3:56:12)
• Sarah Palin, 2005 Humpy's Marathon (3:59:36)
• Paul Ryan, 1990 Grandma's Marathon (4:01:24) *Ryan fibbed a little in an interview and said he ran "under 3, high 2s" so the lesson here is... NEVER LIE about your finish time. They list these on the race website!
• Bobby Flay, 2010 NYC Marathon (4:01:37)
• Sean "P. Diddy" Combs, 2003 NYC Marathon (4:14:54)
• Mario Lopez, 2011 NYC Marathon (4:23:30)
• Alanis Morissette, 2009 NYC Marathon (4:28:45)
• Jill Biden, 1998 Marine Corps Marathon (4:30:02)
• Lisa Ling, 2002 Boston Marathon (4:34)
• Shia LeBeouf, 2010 Los Angeles Marathon (4:35)
• Mike Huckabee, 2005 Marine Corps Marathon (4:37:29)
• Drew Carey, 2011 Marine Corps Marathon (4:41:39)
• Al Gore, 1997 Marine Corps Marathon (4:54:25)
• Kate Gosselin, 2011 Las Vegas Marathon (4:59:21)
• Ted Koppel, 1993 Marine Corps Marathon (5:09:08)
• Valerie Bertinelli, 2010 Boston Marathon (5:14:37)
• Katie Holmes, 2007 NYC Marathon (5:29:58)
• Pamela Anderson, 2013 NYC Marathon (5:41:03)
• Meredith Vieira, 2010 NYC Marathon (5:29:00)
• Freddie Prinze, Jr., 2006 Los Angeles Marathon (5:50)
• David Lee Roth, 2010 NYC Marathon (6:04:03)
• Al Roker, 2010 NYC Marathon (7:09:44)

 The Do's and Don'ts of Being a Spectator

by Dana-Susan Crews

*although this is on the "humor" tab, it's funny, but it's also TRUE!!!!!

Marathon spectators can be pretty entertaining. We love them! They come out in all kinds of weather and stand for hours waiting for that brief moment they get to see their runner go by. But while they wait, they cheer for every runner there.

Some of the spectator signs are hilarious. Some are so great, runners will stop running for a second just to say hi. Amongst some of the greatest spectator signs seen at races are the following...

• Run like you stole something!
• Worst Parade Ever
• If I see you collapse, I'll pause your Garmin.
• Toenails are for sissies!
• 13.1 miles cause you're only half crazy
• Stop reading this and keep running!
• Getting up early to make this sign wasn't easy either.
• Chuck Norris never ran a marathon
• Who fartlek'd?
• That bad Tinder date is behind you. Run faster!

Yes, those amazing race day spectators keep us moving sometimes when we feel like stopping. But sometimes, let's face it... spectators LIE! So, here are some do's and don'ts of race spectating to help your friends and family out at your next race:

SPECTATOR DO'S:

1. More cowbell. Or any other noisemakers will do. You'll get tired of clapping and your hands might hurt so bring plenty of noisemakers.
2. Bring a bullhorn for when you start losing your voice.
3. Make funny and/or encouraging signs!
4. Cheer for runners by name if you see it written on their bib. It makes them feel like a celebrity and it's quite the boost.
5. Lawn chairs are a must! You might be there for hours so bring chairs and take a break once and a while, cheering from a seated position.
6. Dress appropriately for the weather. Wear layers so you can shed as the temperature goes up.
7. Bring lots of food and drink. You'll get as hungry as the runners. Pack a cooler full of snacks.
8. Be sure your kids stay off the road and out of the way of runners.
9. Play upbeat music.
10. High five runners as they pass by.

SPECTATOR DON'TS:

1. Say "you're almost there". The runners hate this lie and they are not almost there til the finish line is right in front of their face.
2. Say "you only have X miles to go". Unless you are 100% sure, this is very frustrating to runners because most spectators get it wrong and have been lying to them since the beginning.
3. Say "it's all downhill from here". Another lie!
4. Say "you look good" because they don't look good. Well maybe you actually do like the sweaty, dirty, covered-in-salt look, but a better version of this would be "you look strong!"
5. Jump into the street and cause an accident. If you're going to cross the street, wait til there is plenty of room between you and the runners coming your way.
6. Play soft, slow music.
7. Squirt a runner with water without asking permission first.
8. Litter.
9. Take water and sports drink from aid stations. That is for race participants only.
10. Be rude to walkers. Sometimes spectators ask walkers if something's wrong because they are not running. Many participants choose to walk marathons or do a combination of walk/run, so if you see a walker, cheer them on!

Thank you SPECTATORS! You make marathon day special for us all!!! 

Top 10 "Crazy" Things About Triathletes

by Dana-Susan Crews

Triathletes are a special group. Mostly Type A and filled with energy, these ladies and gentlemen are seriously fabulous, but they are a little quirky too. So, check out these TOP TEN "crazy" things about triathletes...

10. Brick Workouts. No one knows the exact etymology of the term, but it may have something to do with their workouts being layered like bricks (swim then run, bike then run, run then swim then run again, etc.). Or it might be that their legs feel like a ton of bricks after the bike when they start out on that run. These stacked workouts are pretty intense and kinda "crazy" too.

9. No socks when running or cycling. Socks just take too much time to put on while you're in transition, so better to blister or experiment with lotions to prevent this, but no time for socks means wet and muddy feet in the bike shoes and the run shoes.

8. The odd outfits. You really can't tell the difference between the men and women because they all wear the same outfits. They are called tri kits and they are super tight so you can swim, bike and run all in the same clothes (by the way, to all beginner triathletes... do NOT forget to remove your bike helmet before you start the run or we might laugh at with you).

7. Aero helmets, aero bars, aero everything. All this aero stuff makes them look like aliens really fast.

6. M-dot tattoos. You've just exercised all day long, so you've earned this! But some are just really, really crazy and so big that it looks like getting the tattoo hurts as bad as racing 140.6 miles!

5. Wearing a heart rate monitor ALL THE TIME! And feeling the need to tell everyone what zone they're in.

4. M-dot clothing and all the M-dot "rules". You see, there are understood rules with triathletes. Ironman is a brand and it is very much owned by the World Triathlon Corporation. So, you might go out and race a 140.6 mile triathlon somewhere not hosted by WTC, but should you be allowed to wear M-dot clothing? Or, what if you've just done a 70.3? Whatever the case, if you have crossed the finish line and heard Mike Reilly speak those unforgettable words, you may seem crazy to the rest of the world, but wear that M-dot stuff with pride! You earned it.

3. You have a bike in your living room. Just for those super rainy or cold days when you can't ride outside, you've got that bike up on a trainer in your living room where you might just spend 8 hours at a time. If your partner or roommate trains with you, you just remove all furniture and place bikes on trainers right in front of the television. All your friends are triathletes anyway, so when they come over, no worries. Everyone can sit on a bike and sip their beer from an aero bottle.

2. Your bike costs more than your car. This is especially true once you've added the thousands of dollars worth of accessories. At that point, it might just cost more than your house!

1. Pee in the water and on the bike. And perhaps even on the run. Because who has time to stop for porta potties and you've been hydrating for weeks. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Now, check out this "crazy" tri guy...